I’m back! I don’t know if anyone remembers me, but I don’t care. I need to write again, and I don’t think that’s a good thing, maybe it is. Almost a year since I last wrote here, a lot has happened, I’m gonna sum it all up for you guys that want an update on my mental health, my life, and everything else.
This blog was amazing to me, I’ve read about lives, and so many people read about mine. It was great, it helped me when I needed the most, it was a cool activity, but I’m not longer in need to write about my life or my demons.
I want to thank each and every single one of you who read my blog, commented on any post, liked and followed. I received support in my worst days, and motivation on my best. I’m not through it all, it’s a constant battle, but I have my tools now, at least for now, in this moment, I’m ready.
My anxiety and depression are always there, I’m not cured by any means and bad days will come, but I’m not gonna get pleasure for writing about it anymore. I’m gonna focus on my other interests, and I’ll keep fighting. Maybe one day I return to give some update, but I’m just really glad that you guys were part of this moment in my life. Thank you and good luck ❤
Lately I’ve been posting less and less and I know that, but that doesn’t mean I’m stopping, every time I get in here just to see what people are posting or if there is a new comment, a sudden “relief” emerges even if it’s just half a second, I think it’s the sudden realization of things that I got through and posted here, bad days where I felt like doing nothing but still posted, or the “not so bad” days where I was able to enjoy things. Continue reading “The Good Feeling of Blogging. (Update on Meds)”
I’m sorry for not posting constantly here in the last weeks, but energy is not something that I have a lot of right now. I’m still alive and fighting, I think my days now are better than they were last week, not good, just better.
So I’m back, after some terrible days that actually came as a surprise to me, I’m still here. Some good has happened since then, some bad also, normal stuff. This week I missed 2 days of college, I wanted to get rested to get through the next weeks, and I did. I think this was a big deal, not dealing with college right now. The day that I did went to college I talked to my friends, and I was kind of direct about how I wanted to act. Continue reading “A New Day + New Cover.”
Last days or weeks (time passes and I can’t really tell how much has passed) has been absolute hell for me. I can go into details of what exactly happened, but doesn’t really matter right? What matters in the end is how did it made me feel.
I hate that sometimes I fall back to my unhealthy patterns, but most of the time I feel like I can’t help it. Since college started 2 weeks ago (feels like a year) I’ve reached both highs and lows with anxiety, the constant invites to events and socializing is draining me, I’ve reached highs where I think I can get through this, it’s been really hard for me.
I got through last week, proud of some things, and not proud of some others, the thing I’ll look forward the most this week is my session with my therapist. I want to get through another week, and another, and another…
How far would you go to change things, to become someone you like, to keep your head above water, to simply survive? Is giving up simply wearing off along the way or the sudden realization that the road is not worth it?
I’m not able to keep up here, with all the stuff that’s been going on since the re-start of college. Anxiety attacks, pills, exhaustion, the same drill, the things I expected, but harder. Every thought feels like a wall, a barrier keeping me from my life. And I wish these pills could stop time, for just one fucking second. Continue reading “Time Is Slipping From Me.”